Why does my partner Hide Porn?
“I would willingly participate with him but it still doesn’t matter”
May 28 Written By Susie's Halo
I’m sexually adventurous or at least I thought my husband thought I was after 6 years of marriage but I found out that wasn’t enough for my porn obsessed husband.
We always had a sexual pattern; we’d have vanilla sex the 1st night and then he would try something new on me the following night. When I would bring up my needs he would say yeah to shut me up over conversation only to decide to not participate in my desires when the opportunity arose. It seemed that I was the only one interested in a sexual relationship and he forced himself to try stuff he seen or act out thoughts he’d had in his head about his coworkers.
IK he didn’t want to engage in sex with me and to cope with our situation I coined it his obligatory sex weekend charity event secretly in my head. It would close with a grand finale one Sunday a month for 5 years. The shell of the pattern didn’t change but the themes of his advances mimicked what he was watching online. He didn’t erase the history and I also wrote of our sexual endeavors for family planning purposes.
As I poured over our shared devices and found video after video in the history I was devastated to see these rompts coincided with his drill weekends. He was completely disinterested in my body except for drill weekends. There’s not much else to say he can deny it’s relevancy but my gut tells me its a pattern that might be screaming red flag.
The next month would pass and he would spontaneously bend me over the washing machine in the basement while the kids were napping or force me to perform some uncomfortable position orally or vaginally. I thought it was from his own thoughts never did I expect he was exploring all this without me online. I connected the dots years later after we stopped having sex altogether and felt relieved that I wasn’t crazy there was something wrong he was in a relationship, with his screen and right hand.
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