I feel invisible, there’s no competing when a loved one is addicted to virtual sex and relationships.

There’s a sense of “us against the world” in a relationship, or at least that’s how I imagine a healthy relationship to look like. I don’t currently have this opportunity because I live with a man obsessed with porn and masturbation. He said it started at 12 from his fathers stash. He only admits this because I had to find evidence each time I dare broach the subject and I pin him down for an answer in a game he taught me called accountability.

I wish I had known he had an obsession before I agreed to marry him. I did tell him before we got physical with one another that I believed using pornography in my absence is a violation of what we have as a united sexual couple. I was to be his partner in crime in all things sexual.

I told my DH that I felt porn without me was a violation of our relationship. He agreed to save that for us and we went to dinner. I tried to talk about it on the way there because I knew the enormity of what I was looking for, that’s why I was single when he found me. I drove with him in his black pickup truck bouncing along in his cab trying to explain my views on this before we got physical. I felt I was speaking to a brick wall for an eternity when he finally said he wouldn’t stop masturbating and I have to deal with at least that much. I said yeah but can we do it together and he just laughed.

He’s a great guy all round in terms of outward associations but I don’t want to live with a relationship that hides sexual secrets to the detriment of our bond. I have a high sex drive and that was a big part of our initial attraction. I want full sexual commitment as our relationship boundaries and I expected my partner to agree with the lifestyle and choices it entails. After a month in our perfect relationship with no known slip ups and us happily using porn during playtime our sexual vibes began to fall short of true connection and empathy when my pregnancy test read positive three times.

He bailed on me emotionally and became physically distant even though he’d come home late every night to me. I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he says nothings wrong, he’s fine, we’re fine but I still feel the disconnect. We actively were having relations without protection and we both knew the kind of relations we were engaged in leads to baby productions and here I was with a distant partner in crime with no spunk left in him.

I found out that my partner deals with stress using porn and maturation. I got pregnant and also had a fatherless 6yo son in tow. He tells me in moments of clarity he did it because he didn’t know what else to do to stop worrying about where we were going to live with our new baby. I can accept that but I can’t accept his violation of our sexual agreement. This is his 1st time being caught but not my 1st time finding porn on my partners device.

I can handle that fact, it’s his truth to bear but what I cannot accept is that he can’t act these habits out with me? He was staying after normal work hours using his father’s computers in a machine shop masturbating until he quit years later and had his super phone. It could even be worse than IK because he was also actively using ATMs to withdraw money without a transaction history generated by our shared bank account.

The sudden disconnect in our relationship after being so strong felt like a slap in the face knowing how much I’ve wished for an honest bond. I found it impossible to forgive his break of my boundary. He promised to not do it again because now he gets it but my gut says he’s just trying to shut me up and move onto a new topic.

I went from being put on a pedestal by a man who claimed to always want to see me smile to an unhappy new mom that felt invisible to her new husband. My advances for affection and intamacy are usually met with excuses, denial, and shady phrases that dodge the actual problem we have between us. Gone is that man I long to see again who trapped me up in his world. I look at my kids and I feel thankful for their presence and pray we get through our disconnect. It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.