He was on dating apps
May 28 Written By Susie's Halo
The day that changed my feelings for my husband started out as any other. The sun had already peaked through my bedroom curtains where my husband lay asleep. I plodded downstairs to begin my morning ritual of coffee first not knowing I would remember this particular moment forever.
I turned on the coffee pot and I wanted to know if I could sprinkle cinnamon on top to add flavor, not thinking twice I grabbed my husbands phone that was charging on the kitchen counter hoping to see if anyone else in the world ever had this thought and posted it online with results. I hit the power button and noticed an icon I never saw before. I impulsively opened the alert.
As the app unlocked I felt my heart race inexplicably. A million questions and curiosities flooded my brain all at once when it brought me to a new message from a lovely lady from Louisiana. I read the message which led me to the ongoing conversation with her. She had sent him pictures looking to be told she was beautiful. She messaged him asking why he was only telling her she looked nice. It sounded like something he would say when he wasn’t into something and he was trying to be polite and I thought this was a joke or something. I continued to read up on their messages.
Quickly I got to their first message and I froze, my mind was unable to process how many times I’ve seen him staring at his phone with a smile on his face. A million thoughts raced through my brain each making me feel worse off then the last one. My stomach began to churn as I realized there were more conversations with other women and he took the time to create a profile using pictures I took to come across as a single man looking for someone special.
I silently cried as I read through his conversations fighting the urge to wake him up with these strangers he swiped on or matched with. There were so many conversations that individually and as a whole pattern made my heart bleed. In these messages he was playful, flirtatious, and thoughtful to random strangers online. His underlying sense of secrecy sent shivers to my core thinking my once stable marriage life was now being invaded by possible matches from Bumble, Match, Tinder, and a variety of sexual based friend finder websites.
It was clear his habit was there since the beginning and it felt like I couldn’t breathe wondering: How long was this going on? Was our entire relationship a lie? He left his secret folder open and there was no amount of explaining he could do to wash these truths from my mind. Was he looking for my replacement? Did he find her? Should I confront him or gather my thoughts?
I choose to contemplate my next moves but found it hard to navigate my new life with him without the blinders on. Maybe I should call it quits.
